Well, I will be leaving Korea in 197 days from now and I am sure it will be the happiest moment of my time here. But lets not get into that kind of posting. I attended what I hope will be my last Korean wedding.
The concept of weddings is very different in Korea than it is in America. For me A wedding is a time for renewal and celebration with family and friends. Its the end of Single life and the start of a romantic blooming love affair. I would have loved to dance to music with my friends and family back home. I would have loved to have a day affair for my wedding where it wasn't just contingent on my clothes. I would have loved to stuff my wife's mouth full of the first piece of cake, and most importantly I would have loved to see everyone come to my wedding and know exactly why they were there. MY friend from Kindergarten, My college roommate, all my life and all the memories I have would come out in full swing at a typical wedding in America.
Well Welcome to Korea. We are Koreans and we do it this way so here is a review of the weekend.
1. I visited with her family (mom, sister, brother etc.) for 2 hours just to say hello. My sister in laws family ended up coming back to my house to spend the night simply to get ready the next morning for the festive day. Step one was doing up the hair for the hanbok costume. Yes, its a costume.... I have been here long enough to think that its stupid. My parents in law spent 1000 dollars for me and my wife to have them and they are never worn. They are for "royalty" and frankly its a part of culture that is dying out.
Before I write anymore I will say I am happy for my brother in law. He met a wonderful woman and now the whole family is married. I love my family but I still don't agree with all of the thinking especially since I am drug along most of the time.
Question: I am tired and literally sick so why do I need to spend family time before the wedding (a day of family activities)? I wondered about this on Saturday night as I struggled to teach effectively. Saturday night turned out to be more than I anticipated with my family sleeping in my one room squalor of a house. Snoring, alarms, baby cries the whole nine yards.
The wedding was fine. Good food, quick and painless.....
My nephew asked my wife is it just a toy cake since we aren't going to eat it? In Korea the bride and groom just cut the cake with a big knife they do this together and there is no actual eating of the cake... They don't push food into the brides mouth and the appearance is just kept. After there was a Hanbok drinking festivity where they all changed their clothes and shared a drink with a lot of the relatives. I didn't partake simply because I didn't want to drink and also I don't want to bow and do that again and again.
I have a problem and this is where you should all leave comments....
Here it is.... I am a worldly man. I don't want to judge anyone as being stupid, or strange etc. (Anything negative) Facts are I hate Korea. I deem this place as unacceptable for me and my well being. Regardless of marriage, etc I just don't like it here. People here do weird things but its OK for them but not OK for them to enforce their beliefs on me. Its just a lifestyle that I am cut out for. Also, I have worn out my welcome I no longer want to try new Korean things because its not interesting for me. I have lived here 3 years and admit fully that I stayed too long but I don't want to know the great history of Korea. Its been told to me like a sacrilegious story time again and again. I don't care how important rice is to these people, I don't want to know or care about Hanbok the silly looking costume only worn by women at weddings. I am a 21st century man I don't want to care about trivial things that are simply not up to date like a toy cake.
Bottom line is that I am tired of feeling Korean pressure, western bull shit and all the expenses are coming out of my pocket. No one seems to care what I truly think its more about propriety and some twisted views of reality.
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I'd like to start off saying I throughly enjoyed the post before this one because I feel you better showcased your English skillz. Lol. Iono--one of the "big" words is probably just one of my favored ones, I don't recall what it was now though.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I'd also like to volley your post. Not in that I disagree, but upon reflecting on your entire situation for reasons I'm not sure of. In particular I was thinking about the cultural differences and the focus on money. I guess also, I was thinking of interracial relationships because I recently met a Korean girl who is interested in dating a white guy.
I think the focus on Koreans and money is of course in it's own right materialistic. Even if they aren't being over zealous consumers and instead "saving up" is their financial pursuit.
But in that same note, I think all people desire that sense of security.
However, I think for most people in the West, namely the West coast I'm from those kind of dreams are pipe dreams. I have laid witness to the fact that money doesn't bring happiness; and I am sure you can attest to the same sentiment.
Even contentment cannot really be begotten by money. In our individualistic streak I think there is more pressure placed upon us to be interesting, captivating people over our earning potential. Marriage doesn't mean quite the same thing seemingly here that it does there.
Divorce is low here right?
Divorce may not be the first thing on the happy couple's mind during the ceremony--but it inevitably crosses one of the spouses minds throughout their marriage.
Hence, saving up for tomorrow--is kind of foolish in a western perogative. I mean not only for this reason, I'm not sure about the turnover rate here in Korea--but I think the average American can expect job changes at least 4-7 times throughout his or her lifetime. So there is no real sense of stability.
The money then, to me becomes less pronounced by any persons point of view because it's not in any way a guarantee. It is hardly a right. Unemployment benefits, social security are also becoming less of a right.
In that same note I'm not downgrading things like art, or contemplation--as they are timeless--and possibly free pursuits of an overeducated, opportunity shrinking slightly narcissistic class.
I'm not so sure about our Korean counterparts--but when they watch Fight Club do they get that same tingly sense when Durden pronounces that "You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake"?
I'm betting they don't even blink an eye.
In fact I'm not sure "unique" is something they vye for. But we, we were probably told once that we were special (in a good way)--and if the world doesn't continue to say that--we wonder why not.
We wonder why they don't see it?
Why they don't appreciate it?
How could they miss it?
And I'm not pointing fingers here, but upon closer introspection-- how maddening would it be to find out that "they" are right?
I often wonder if "Nice" people ever really talk about how "Nice" they are.
Maybe I'm not so nice, and just because I say I am...doesn't make it any more true.
Eminem couldn't be more wrong then.
......what crap. i was going to honestly post a novel of a response...and i got the "post too large" notice...and I hit back......and it's all gone.
ReplyDeletewhat a waste.
oh wait it posted? ......wow blogger, half fail then.
ReplyDelete