Debt of Gratitude

          I would like to start off this post by offering a blanket apology. I have found many transitions difficult, I have complained, rebelled, and on more than one post, occasion I have handled the situations that have unfolded around me poorly.  I want to try to explain as well as I can ...

           I grew up in Western Montana and I never had an ill will thought towards anybody. I even told my mom once when I was 11 years old that my wife lived in Korea ( I am not joking). I went to the University of Montana and had a culture shock. Two hours outside of my home there was a lot of things going on. I met many different people from all over the world. If you asked me who is my best friend it would be a hard question to ask I say this because I felt special, unique to the environment that Missoula gave me. I went through many stages I went from the ex-captain of my running team to trying to be the new man on the Uni team to giving it up in search of something else. That quest took me to the International scene. My roommate was a girl from Sweden. I ran with her on the team and had hoped to make a future with her and running in my mind. Because of her I also became a  hippy for short stint and met many friends from Korea. 

          Before I get a comment about hippy let me explain. Many of my friends laughed at me because I looked like Che Gueverra and went on protest when Bush came to Great Falls. I actually went there and help up a sign that had a picture of gas on it. A long haired young man with wild ideas about the world was on the loose.  

       Later I settled down to a more Asian lifestyle. I had Japanese roommates, Korean connections and many other friends all over the world. I was happy. I bragged about it that I knew someone from Ghana, Hong kong, France, Georgia, etc. I had helped someone from various places all around the world. I worked in the Foreign Student Services and because of all of this I owe a huge debt of gratitude. If it weren't for a few Korean girls I wouldn't have ever came here. 

While I do regret coming to Korea sometimes I realize it wouldn't have made it possible for me to have met my wife. I have had hardships with her. In the beginning I couldn't meet her family. Our dating was all hush hush and a covert operation. I struggled with this because my family had always been open to new ideas. 

I left a country where new ideas were embraced to a country where people are still developing. (Not all in a bad way as I have mentioned many times as well)  My wife and I overcame the family obstacle and got married. Now we are finding ourselves in a much bigger dilemma. A dilemma that represents America as an economic downfall and my feeling that Korea is too prideful of itself and that the people here resist change and have a narrow view of the world outside of Korea. I have been here for over 1000 days so I feel I deserve space when criticizing something in Korea. 

Back to my apology maybe I was wrong to lash out in an attacking manner in rebuttal to my comments. I wish I genuinely knew you Katherine. You seem to have an interesting perspective about my situation and a lot of your worldly views. Many comments have been aimed at my character in which I am depicted as racist and negative person. It was mentioned that I am someone who isn't fun to be around. I mentioned I struggle everyday and its no longer with the language barrier because that won't change and that's just the status quo here.  I welcome any and all comments but I wanted an opportunity to put us on an even keel. My marriage has problems like any other marriages out there. Most of the problems if not all of the are something I am able to solve. 

My blog was originally meant to record my happenings and the things that I have learned by just living here. I used to write THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY. This happens each day. I had a good morning, a bad afternoon and a wonderful evening or something to that effect. I wanted to voice my opinions and throw out ideas. I know that maybe my writing is negative, provocative and sometimes wrong but I am learning as I go. 

Truth be told I have no friends here I can visit or call upon. My university friends live 4 hours away from me. All of my family and friends minus my wife's family is in America. While I do have friends here in Busan they are also busy and being married I can't just set aside a lot of time for friends not like I used to anyways. In other words Blogging is how I vent and how I gather my thoughts and try to make sense of them. I spend too much time on the computer waiting for replies, seeing comments and watching tv but its necessary for my sanity at this juncture in my life. 

BRYANT and Katherine I do hope you read this I hope that you don't judge me too harshly. I am writing this at 12 am waiting for my wife so we can just go to bed and I am writing this post with you guys in mind hoping to fix whatever misguided poor judgments that I have had. 

I don't know how to end this blog. I know my writing is shoddy and filled with blanks maybe needing some questions or a comment somewhere but all I know is that I want to figure out how to get our life back on track. 

I will write again later a two part blog post.